i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So much rum. So many feels.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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