Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
