I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
