I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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