Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
