dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
