I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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