If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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