Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
