My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
