I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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