I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
