my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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