Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize