So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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