just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize