had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
