After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
