I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
