I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
