she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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