grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
