you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
