Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
