toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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