There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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