You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
