I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What a dumb baby whore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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