You just made me feel so damn special
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize