the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
