I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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