We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
