Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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