ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
