So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
