I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
