positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
