She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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