You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
