he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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