I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
