Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this will be a night to untag.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize