I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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