If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
