i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
