Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize