you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
