Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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