Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you never un-have a 4some
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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