Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
