whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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