Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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