she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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