I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
