In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
