so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
