when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
