i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
