I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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