Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
