it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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