Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
