So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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