i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
