how can u be prego again
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
