you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
