We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
