I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
