apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
